Relationship Repair 101

Every day millions of people are actively seeking a partner to share a special, loving experience. Millions connect, fall in love, then sadly they decide the relationship isn’t working and separate. Even after getting married, fewer and fewer stay together – often out of a sense of obligation, loyalty, and for the sake of the children.

Love Is Magical

Developing and maintaining a healthy relationship is one of the most important rewards in our lives. You think that being in love is magical and the feeling is going to last forever. Unfortunately, a new exciting relationship, unlike a shiny new car, doesn’t come with a warranty or a user manual. 

Even with the best intentions, the problems of everyday living creep in. The hectic, whirlwind courtship didn’t allow sufficient time to have a clear awareness of your differences, or to really understand and respect the values and attitudes of each other. Very few people are able to demonstrate positive attitudes, understand the differences between you both or express emotions in a healthy and honest way to grow together in love. 

Building a Healthy Relationship

Keeping the quality of your relationship exciting and shiny depends on what and how much you put into it.

How do you keep it healthy and loving? Through consistently communicating positive attitudes you increase your chances of building a healthy and trusting relationship. Pay particular attention to the attitudes of humility, caring, honesty and responsibility. Showing humility is a way of not acting superior. Showing that you care is fundamental for any loving Relationship. Caring means you are sensitive to the needs, feelings, problems and views of the other person, and appreciate their unique qualities. Honesty is another core attitude that means being truthful and upfront about your feelings. Dishonesty, lies and deceit can undermine a relationship very quickly. Responsibility means working hard at putting the other person’s needs ahead of yours. It’s hard work but the benefits can endure for a lifetime.

Vive la Difference

If not understood and accepted, the differences between men and women, besides the obvious ones, can be a source of frustration and undermine any relationship. Once a couple settles into a relationship, men, because they associate primarily with other men, expect their partner to think, act and communicate like a man. Women, on the other hand, expect their man to think, act, feel and communicate like other women do. Knowing this small fact may help reduce some irritation.

Men Conquer, Women Feel

Another small fact about men is their ability to conquer, whether it is an object, another person, a game, an auto repair, a computer problem, or a set of tangled Christmas tree lights. Men will conquer and generally won’t give up until the battle is won. They do not want or appreciate advice from their partner. Men need to feel in control, all powerful, efficient and independent. This includes having the need to fix, improve or otherwise find the solution to his partner’s concerns, feelings or needs. This is his way of expressing his love. Women, on the other hand, are all about feelings. They love decorating, moving furniture around and home improvement, and her man, in her mind, is always in need of improving.

Unintended Humiliations

Men need to stop offering solutions to every concern his partner mentions and women need to stop trying to fix everything about her knight in shining armor. Women love to give advice and suggestions, but her continual attempts to fix her man makes him think she is telling him that he’s broken in some way. In the process, she may not understand that she is inadvertently humiliating and belittling him in a subtle way. Resentment can build. Similarly, women like to share and talk about their day or little things just to unwind and get close, so men shouldn’t offer solutions to fix her every problem.

Problem Solving

Men prefer to think about a problem and the solution. He needs a quiet place to accomplish this, perhaps going to his man-cave, the garage or the basement. If he is interrupted by her conversation, he may seem distant or not caring. This can also cause resentment for his seeming to not care, even though he really does. Women need to understand that he is still problem solving. Women should not let it bother them.

Don’t Forget the “Look”

Now, the reason you were both attracted to each other is because you complemented each other. Perhaps you both had similar interests that brought you together. But you also had differences that you liked and both needed to fulfill your lives. But do you still remember that first flirtatious “look” the woman gave? That look encouraged him. It took away his fears and gave him permission to conquer and it brought you both together. Unfortunately, once the relationship settled in and the two get into their routines, that look doesn’t seem to be remembered. She forgets to reinforce the relationship with the motivational look. When a man is motivated and feels loved, he opens his heart and becomes the best that he can be.

Just as women require their needs be met, men are equally sensitive. They need empathy, understanding, validation and that occasional “look.” That look across the dinner table or in a darkened movie theater can be all the spark that was missing to ignite the romance again. 

Ebb and Flow

All relationships ebb and flow from day to day, week to week, and it’s easy to get lost in your hectic lives. Then you neglect the fundamentals of demonstrating those positive attitudes of humility, caring, honesty and responsibility, and expressing your emotions in a healthy and honest way.

Get back to the basics and grow together in love.

This report is not a diagnosis. We hope this information can guide you toward improving your life.

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