An event can turn into anger if you let it, which can fester, and over time, harden into resentment and hatred. Resentment saps energy and becomes an entrapment that blocks emotional growth. Resentment can last a long time – months or years, even a lifetime. Think of how much happiness could be missed by someone holding on to resentment for an extended period. But it happens all the time!
Healing Yesterday’s Wounds
The best antidote is forgiveness, which for some, might not be an easy solution. Forgiveness takes time, patience and a deep sense of commitment. You may even have to forgive yourself before you are able to let your resentment go. The goal in forgiving is to heal yesterday’s wounds so you can move on with your life.
Here are some suggestions on how to let resentment go:
- Make a list of all those people you are ready to forgive. Remember to include yourself. Add the reasons why you need to forgive them.
- List how your resentments are harming you and the consequences they have caused.
- Add all the hostile thoughts you think most often about each person.
- Write down all the negative or sarcastic comments you make, how you avoid each person, and any negative actions you take against them, such as cold stares, your tone of voice, slamming doors, or the silent treatment.
- Make a commitment to stop all those thoughts as much as you can.
- Make another list and write three positive characteristics of each person. Begin to think of what each person does for others. Learn to genuinely appreciate each of them.
- Begin to think good thoughts about each of them.
- Think of three simple things that you could do out of kindess for each person. Try not to expect any praise or gratitude in return.
Be the Nice One
Sometimes we resist forgiving because we think it’s like a gift to the person who injured you. You are the one who got hurt. Why should you be the one who’s nice? But think of forgiveness as giving something nice to yourself.
Forgiveness Is Not Easy
Forgiving yourself may require the support of a friend or family member, a counselor, even a member of the clergy. Don’t be afraid to ask for their help. Ending your resentments will relieve you of a heavy burden and you will thank yourself for doing it.
This report is not a diagnosis. We hope this information can guide you toward improving your life.
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