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Many people go through life assuming that situations – people, places, things, make them feel and react in certain ways. We get trapped sometimes, thinking our feelings are caused by things that are just not in our control. If this is correct, then what causes our feelings – especially negative feelings? What makes us react one way instead of another? Rationally or irrationally?
All About Perception
Years of research and numerous studies tell us that our feelings and behaviors are the result of our perception of the environment through physical sensation. In other words, our thoughts, beliefs and attitudes about these situations. How we think about a situation will determine the consequences of that situation. Our feelings and behaviors are the consequences of what we think about a particular situation.
That Small Still Voice
That little voice inside our head that tells you how to feel about various situations that affect your life is called your self-talk. When your self-talk is telling you something that is negative and irrational you may experience undesirable consequences. Likewise, if your self-talk is telling you something that gives you positive feelings, it is more than likely rational thinking is at work, giving you positive and desirable consequences.
We all demonstrate errors in our thinking from time to time. If we didn’t there would be no need for courts or jails. It doesn’t mean we are all criminals or mentally ill. Or that we aren’t capable of correcting the way we think by replacing our irrational self-talk with positive rational self-talk.
Reinforcing Negative Beliefs
Negative self-talk usually includes certain favorite words or phrases that further reinforce the negative beliefs, thoughts and attitudes. Take a minute or two and review the list of ten common thinking errors and see if you use or recognize any. It won’t take long for them to blare out loudly whenever you hear them in your self-talk.
- Absolutes Believing there is no other solution to a problem. Using exaggerated words or phrases; using extreme or stereotyped words; using terms such as everyone, always, never, perfect, etc. In short using black and white thinking.
- Awfulizing Using extremely disagreeable terms. Thinking you can’t handle bad or negative situations; thinking only bad things will happen; making a situation seem worse than it actually is; ignoring or overlooking the positive side.
- Blaming Portraying yourself as a victim, either to sidestep a responsibility or to justify inaction; finding fault with others; holding others accountable but not yourself.
- Have to, Need to, Must Labeling a want as a need. Thinking something you choose to do as something you have to do; ignoring available options or alternatives; disregarding your responsibility for the choices you make.
- He, She, It Statements Believing that your emotions happen because of the actions of others. Thinking that people or events cause your feelings or actions; failing to take ownership of your reactions to people or events.
- I Can’t Negative thinking that justifies giving up. Making excuses for not trying; underestimating your own capabilities; dwelling on why you fail rather than how to succeed.
- Loaded Words Using profanity. Using offensive words to express your anger; using strong, negative words to insult or put others down; using suggestive words that trigger a strong emotional response,in order to offend or belittle.
- Rhetorical Questions Asking questions without expecting an answer. Asking questions that express a judgement or opinion; hiding negative thoughts inside questions; asking a question that produces an effect instead of seeking a reply.
- Should Demanding that the world be a certain way. Imposing rigid rules or expectations; thinking of your desires or preferences as demands or obligations.
- Statements of Fact Basing your feelings on broad, generalized statements. Making statements that don’t account for all of the facts; stating opinions as facts; considering a partial truth to be the whole truth.
Recognize Thinking Errors
Now that you’ve come to recognize the common thinking errors that habitually show up in your self-talk and how they make you feel and act, you can head them off and start developing a more rational approach to the way you think. If you think of irrational thinking and thinking errors as bad habits you have already won half of the battle. Now you have the opportunity of making a huge change in the right direction: to exchange a set of bad habits for a set of positive habits.
Go Slow
While you are working on your new set of thinking habits, it is good to remember there may be some uncomfortable feelings in the process of changing. You have probably been making decisions based on what feels right, your gut feeling, rather than what is logical. It is easier to avoid painful feelings and making difficult decisions but look where that has gotten you. If you can’t make uncomfortable decisions then you can’t become successful in changing self-destructive habits and thinking.
Positive lifestyle changes may feel uncomfortable at first. Knowing this in advance should help. Go slowly and live one day at a time. The big secret here is to outlast the uncomfortable feelings long enough to overcome your old thinking errors.
This report is not a diagnosis. We hope this information can guide you toward improving your life.
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