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Unlike anger, which we are born with, forgiveness must be learned. Forgiveness is a process that isn’t easy for everyone. We first learn forgiveness from observing our parents and how they showed it towards each other.
Not So Easy
Even though we learn to forgive, making the decision to forgive someone is an entirely different matter. Some anger can last for decades, even an entire lifetime. Anger can extend long after the persn who caused you anger is dead. Some experiences are burned into our memory so deeply that we are constantly reminded. How does a person forgive years of childhood emotional, physical or sexual abuse? How can a parent forgive the drunk driver for the dealth of a child? How does the retired couple forgive the swindler who stole their retirement funds? How does someone forgive the parent who abandoned them when they were very young?
Even if you could set aside the anger that never seems to go away, what could you possibly gain? Why would you give your father, who beat you for years, any satisfaction that it’s all OK? Why would you give up taking revenge aganst that drunk driver who killed your child? How do you find forgiveness in your heart for the monster who raped you?
Turn the Other Cheek?
For some, forgiveness comes easier. Some people were raised in a family where forgiveness was second nature. For examle, Christians learn to turn the other cheek. Religions all over the world espouse forgiveness. But for many, the longer they have been holding onto the anger, resentment, even the hatred, the longer it will take to make the forgiveness decision.
How Long Do You Want to Suffer?
Now, forgiveness is not a requirement. No one is going to try to force you into it. But do try to think rationally for a momemnt. How happy are you, living with this anger that is always hanging around your neck? How happy does reliving the anger of the past make you? How much happiness have you not allowed into your life for fear it might crowd out the pain? How long will you remain in a state of mourning? And how much longer do you want to continue feeling bitter and hostile?
Accepting What Is
Ask yourself one simple question. Do you deserve to be happy? Do you deserve to live free of the burden you carry – the anger? Perhaps now may not be the right time to let it go. Forgiveness is very difficult and it can be a long, slow process. But understand that forgivenesss doesn’t mean giving up the past. The pain and memories will never go away. You will never get over it.
Forgiveness is about acceptance of what is. It’s about living in the present. Forgiveness frees your consciousness so that it can be filled with all the beautiful people in your life.
Take a long, deep mindful breath. Feel your lungs expand, now exhale slowly. Give some serious thought to what you will gain by letting your anger go. Life can be filled with happiness again if you let it.
This report is not a diagnosis. We hope this information can guide you toward improving your life.
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