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Siddhartha Guatama, the Buddha, taught in India over 2,500 years ago that suffering is caused by desire, and can be alleviated by releasing that desire.
The same could be said of anger. When a person is angry, sulking, steaming or otherwise filled with negative emotions and ill will or aversion for what is present in the moment, it can be difficult to think clearly and return to the present. Any of these temporary distortions can be corrected. You can disengage from the delusion of isolation and experience reality in any moment.
Life is available only in this moment. Yet anger fills the present moment with memories and fears about the past and future, and feelings of ill will hijack you into the past and future accompanied with critical thoughts. When you feel angry in any way, stop and tell yourself what is happening: “This is anger. It is in me now.”
Try Some Brief Meditations
Here are some brief meditations that you might try for working with the distortions of anger and ill will. Begin taking long, mindful, deep breaths or take a short walk outside in the fresh air breathing mindfully, while bringing your awareness back to the present moment. Allow room in your mind for angry thoughts without judging them. Continue walking, not fast and not slow, while breathing mindfully. Allow your lungs and chest to expand and slowly exhale. Be patient with yourself, don’t force the angry thoughts away. Study them more closely and see what sensations they cause in your body. Remember, angry thoughts are just thoughts and we are not our thoughts. Finish your meditation by saying one or two short phrases on compassion: “May I control my anger with compassion.” “May I find the strength to remain present and open in the moment.”
If you find yourself angry or full of resentment during a particularly difficult moment in relationship you can become totally absorbed in a self-centered, defensive posture, holding on to your opinion or idea no matter what. In this type of situation we can become very limited in our ability or willingness to see or understand the other person’s position.
Practice Mindfulness
Practicing mindfulness can help you interrupt this limiting energy of anger by letting you see clearly in the moment your immediate surroundings as well as who is there, being mindful when you are needed to be there for their support.
Take a mental step back. Control your breathing by taking long, slow, deep breaths. Be aware of your lungs and chest expanding and your pulse becoming more normal. When you are ready, shift your focus onto qualities of kindness, wisdom and love.
Say a few phrases of kindness and wisdom to yourself like: “May I be filled with peace and protected from harm.” “May I see clearly what is here and respond wisely.” “May this situation teach me about the true nature of life.”
Take a few more mindful breaths and imagine the person as a child who is in pain. Imagine their pain is causing them to speak to you the way they do. In your heart you wish to take away their pain. Know that wishing them well even for a few breaths, doesn’t make you weak or vulnerable. Remain in the present moment and remember that hurts can be healed with kindness.
Surrounded by Scary Monsters
There’s an old story told by a very wise man about a child who asks her mother a very serious question. She asks her mother to imagine that she is surrounded by monsters, really scary monsters. She doesn’t have anyone to help her, and no weapons. What would she do? Mother sits and thinks for a minute and responds, “Wow, I don’t know. What would you do?” The child answers “I would quit imagining!”
Angry thoughts and feelings can be just like those imagined monsters. Continually fed by imagined hurts, threats and fears which lead to even more angry thoughts, feelings and perceptions. Before long you’ve changed your focus and reality, and taken yourself out of your present moment. Your thoughts become about what could happen. Soon you are completely numb and feeling beaten. All by imagined monsters – your thoughts!
Back to Mindful Breathing
When you find yourself feeling numb or having difficulty feeling anything, stop. Get yourself in to a comfortable seated position. Don’t try to fix anything. Relax into your awareness. Concentrate on your slow, deep breathing. Pay close attention to any sounds that you hear. Try not to think about what is making the sounds. As thoughts come to mind, just let them go, and return to the sounds.
Once you feel relaxed, begin to concentrate on your body. Notice your clothing touching your skin. Feel the air against your face. Continue to relax taking long, deep mindful breaths. When you are ready, you can return to your normal activities.
Feelings of anger and ill will can easily create a distorted illusion of lonely separation, or build upon old memories and fears to blind you to your amazing reality that unfolds with each moment. Practicing mindfulness, compassion and wisdom can help shatter those illusions and keep you in the present moment.
This report is not a diagnosis. We hope this information can guide you toward improving your life.
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