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The emotions we experience are greatly influenced by how we think and feel about an event in the first place. Emotional Appraisal refers to evaluating the personal meaning of a situation. Is it good or bad? Threatening or supportive? Relevant or not? And so forth. As an example, if another driver “cuts you off” on the highway, you could become very angry and agitated. If you do, it will add fifteen minutes of emotional upset to your day. By changing your appraisal, you could just as easily choose to laugh at the other driver’s childish behavior and minimize the emotional wear-and-tear (Gross, 2001).
Music of Emotions
The people who excel in life tend to be emotionally intelligent. If our emotions are “the music of life” then emotionally intelligent people are good musicians. They do not stifle their emotions or over-indulge in them.
Manage vs Suppress
Suppressing emotions can actually increase activity in the sympathetic nervous system. Hiding emotions requires a lot of effort. It can also impair thinking and memory as you devote energy to self-control. Thus, while suppressing emotion allows us to appear calm and collected on the outside, this cool appearance comes at a high price (Richard & Gross, 2000). People who suppress emotions tend to cope poorly with life and are prone to depression and other problems (Lynch Et al., 2001). Conversely, people who express their emotions, generally experience better emotional and physical health (Pennebaker, 2004). Usually, it is better to manage emotions than it is to suppress them.
Wise Words from the Past
The Greek philosopher Aristotle (325 BCE) had a recipe for handling relationships smoothly: “be angry with the right person, and to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way.”
Such self-control is called emotional intelligence – a combination of skills, such as empathy, self-control, and self-awareness (Salovey & Mayer, 1997). Such skills can make us more flexible, adaptable and emotionally mature (Bonanno Et al., 2008).
High Cost of Poor Skills
The cost of poor emotional skills can be high. They range from problems in marriage to poor physical health. A lack of emotional intelligence can ruin careers and damage accomplishment. We see this costly toll on children and teenagers. For them, having poor emotional skills can contribute to depression, eating disorders, unwanted pregnancy, aggression, various addictions, violent crimes, and poor academic performance (Larsen & Prizmic, 2004).
Important Useful Skills:
Self-awareness – Emotionally intelligent people are tuned into their own feelings. They can recognize quickly if they are angry, envious or feeling guilty. This is valuable because many people have disruptive emotions without being able to identify why they are uncomfortable.
Empathy – Empathetic people accurately perceive emotions in others and sense what people are feeling. They are good at “reading” facial expressions, tone of voice and other signs of emotions.
Managing Emotions – Emotional intelligence is an ability to control your own emotions as well as those of others. Emotionally intelligent people can amplify or restrain the emotions of others.
Understanding Emotions – Emotions contain useful information. For example, anger is a cue that something is wrong. Anxiety indicates uncertainty. Embarrassment communicates shame. Depression suggests we feel helpless. Enthusiasm tells us we are excited. People who are emotionally intelligent know what causes various emotions, what they mean and how they affect behavior.
Using Emotion – People who are emotionally intelligent use their feelings to redirect their thoughts and decision making. Past emotional reactions can help one to react differently and make better judgements.
This report is not a diagnosis. We hope this information can guide you toward improving your life.
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