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Have you ever noticed that you get angry in certain kinds of situations? You could call these your “hot spots”. Knowing your hot spots can help you prepare a handy response to use when you find yourself in one of these situations. It is also possible that there is a connection between the way you react or cope with anger and some of your relationship failures.
Physical Responses
Think about the last time you felt very angry. How did your body respond? Anger affects you physically. When you experience an intense feeling of anger, your body actually goes into an automatic mode.
What happens is your adrenal glands send an increased supply of adrenaline, also known as epinephrine, into your blood supply. At the same time, your body reduces the flow of blood to your digestive system and redirects the blood to your brain and large muscles to prepare your arms and legs for “fight or flight.” Your heart rate and blood pressure rise as your level of anger increases. If you are face-to-face with another person, your body transmits clues to your emotional state: Your posture becomes more erect; your voice gets louder; your fists clinch; your face gets red; people around you will notice and may respond accordingly. They may back off, even leave, but some may respond aggressively. Sometimes anger just simmers for long periods of time. This harms your health in the long term. Heart and intestinal problems can result from prolonged and intense feelings of anger.
Anger Result of Perception
It is important to understand that events, people and things do not cause you to experience feelings. Your feelings are caused by your own perceptions and beliefs about those events, people and things. Anger is no different. It starts with your own thinking and is usually the result of a hidden desire. At the center of most anger is the belief that something is not the way it ‘should’ be.
Acting on your anger can lead to serious consequences to you. Therefore learning ways to manage your anger quickly, in all situations is what we will work on here.
Anger Alternatives
First, you can be your own anger adviser by getting into the habit of examining your own thinking. When you find yourself slipping into a dangerous situation, step back, take a few moments and examine your thinking. Ask yourself if this situation is worth all the drama that will result. Then, when you are more relaxed, think of a simpler solution to the problem.
A second option when conflict happens is to look at both sides of the issue. Try – as hard as it may seem – to be open-minded and see the views and attitudes of the other person. Let the person know you are trying to understand their position. And tell them out loud. This is called seeking compromise. Be willing to give a little on some points if they do as well.
Time Out
Option number three is referred to as taking a time out. Sometimes your anger is about to turn to rage and the smartest option is to simply walk away. This could also be thought of as the “flight” option. When you take a time out you are less likely to go the next step of physical aggression. You are able to take time to rethink the situation and correct your thinking errors, often coming up with a more constructive response.
Our fourth option is simply evaluating and making adjustments to your attitude. Negative changes to your attitude increases the risk of experiencing anger. Simply checking your attitude with a little positive self-talk can calm the situation.
Avoid Harsh Demands
The fifth option is also simple. Keeping your options open is appropriate in dealing with yourself during angry situations. The idea is to avoid being put into a corner where one of you will feel the need to attack or back down. Harsh demands, loud talk, blaming, may sound tough and powerful but they only lead to more anger, aggression and possible violence. Allow both of you some space to back away with grace, and give yourself a way to re-think the situation.
These are five effective ways to manage your anger.
This report is not a diagnosis. We hope this information can guide you toward improving your life.
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