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Resentment is yesterday’s cold, hard anger that nags at us. Over time it eats away at us. Maybe we are still fuming over a long forgotten comment someone made, or you feel cheated that someone else got some award you felt should have been yours. Did someone receive credit for your hard work? Perhaps someone you liked went out with your friend instead of you. It could be just an accumulation of a lot of small things that over time built into a resentment to eventually change how you interact with the person. You create an invisible shell around yourself whenever they are around.
Bitterness Destroys Relationships
In a way, resentments are like weeds that never go away. Their roots are deeper than we realize and no matter how much we put them aside or ignore them they return. Resentments can crowd out other feelings and emotions. They spoil our environment. They disturb our serenity, and they can cause bitterness and destroy relationships.
Resentments grow out of a simple belief that we’ve been wronged in some way. Some injuries are very small and could easily be brushed aside and forgotten. But what seems minor to one person is a big deal to another. Other injuries are huge, and cannot be forgotten. Perhaps a loved one died, a close relative, someone you were always close to, like your grandfather for instance.
An Unfortunate Discovery
You always knew that antique grandfather clock you loved would someday be yours but on a recent visit to your sister’s home, there it was. In her living room. The worst part is that no one bothereed to tell you. Your discovery is like a dagger piercing your heart. But you say nothing. What good would it do to make a scene over a clock? Plus you don’t want anyone to know how hurt you are.
You go about your life as if nothing has changed, but it is beginning to bother you that no one told you or even asked in advanced. Did you sister just pull one over on you – again? Does she even care about you? And your mother didn’t think to mention it? How long were they planning this?
Can They Read Your Mind?
These thoughts continue to irritate you but you decide to wait and see if either of them can read your mind as the rage slowly builds inside you. Days turn into weeks, You avoid visiting both your sister and your mother. They believe your excuses. Maybe they will realize what they’ve done. Or maybe they both know there is a problem but don’t want to be the one to start a discussion.
Proof of a Conspiracy
A phone call from your mother. How nice. Which turns into talk about your sister and her children, but not about yours. Further proof of a conspiracy. And not a word about the clock and of course no apology. You begin to believe that an apology might not even be enough. And when you think back, there really needs to be many apologies from both of them. You know the clock will never be yours. Sometimes you hope her kids will accidentally knock it over and smash it to pieces.
Not About the Clock Anymore
This story can spiral downward for years, destroying an entire family. Resentment can feed upon itself and become the elephant in the room. The resentment is no longer about a clock. It’s about the perception of being hurt for years, since childhood. She was always Mom’s favorite. She always got nicer shoes and clothes. Mom even calls her more often. Your life is filled with negative memories fast approaching hatred.
How Do You Bury the Hatchet?
Forgiveness is not even an option for you. There is a way to end this however. You decide to go to a better antique furniture store and ask the proprietor to recommend a superior furniture polish for a special antique grandfather clock. You decide to buy it for your sister, and oh, just look at that! it’s perfect and even a little smaller. But definitely more elegant. Yes! I’ll take it. Can you deliver it tomorrow you ask?
The intention was to bury the hatchet by purchasing an expensive polish for antique furniture for your sister. A very appropriate gesture. But in the process you’ve found an even lovelier clock. All the built-up resentment has vanished. All you can think about is re-arranging your living room.
Breaking the Log-Jam
This action was a way to break the log-jam. The forgiveness and reconciliation might take a little while but you’ve replaced your harmful thoughts, feelings and perceptions with a beautiful old clock, that surely your grandfather’s spirit guided you to.
This report is not a diagnosis. We hope this information can guide you toward improving your life.
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